14
CHOICE
the choice made in the fire
is the choice that matters most:
from where
to whom
to what
will we vow our allegiance to?
man discovers that which he cares for,
that which he'll die for
when in the throes of war-
what are vows if they are not tested?
what good is faith if it is not forged?
what use is fire for the kiln if nothing of beauty is ever crafted inside of it? why crave triumph if there is no wrestle?
off to the grave goes ambition,
down goes the calvary and it's ammunition
if they are not saturated with grit,
burnt with conviction.
my choice defines what I love,
my line in the sand denotes what I'll protect,
my voice invokes what I respect.
but frail is my humanity without divinity to assist me.
So
Victor, my victor.
my High priest forever
empower me quickly - with strength from another -
my brother,
my father,
my friend
Yahweh,
actively stronger than strength itself empower me to yield my will to yours.
wrestling is good,
but the wise know when to pause, when to request their endowment, and subtly walk with a limp.
but this my vow in the inbetween, this my plea in the world unseen, this my rod, and staff, and comforting:
Christ- you may have all of me.
EMBRACE THE TENSION WITH GOD
This is a message I will champion until the day I die.
Feelings are REAL, emotions are GOOD, and how you feel right now is important.
The truth is still true though. So what do we do when the truth and our feelings disagree? Most of us choose one of these two options:
1. Stuff the feelings so they don't pollute our beliefs; or
2. Change the truth to align with how we feel.
What if neither was the plan that God had in mind?
What if there is a third option that doesn't involve merely stuffing our feelings or slowly drifting from the true north of what we believe in God?
What if we truly embraced the tension WITH God and let Him show us how to navigate the tightrope? What if we actually let our feelings out and clung to the truth?
There is a movement of people rising up who will embrace the tension with God. They will lean into raw and rough emotions while standing steadfast in the truth that His goodness is not up for grabs in the midst of pain. His promises will not become void in the fires of our fear. We won’t try to go around our doubt, but instead we will walk THROUGH the questions – hand in hand, with Him.
What happens when you prayed for healing..what happens when you did have faith? What if everything was looking up, and suddenly it was like the carpet got pulled out from under your faith and the worst possible thing took place? Now nothing you believed seems to make sense anymore. What will you do?
The way I see it, we have been presented with two options that honestly seem pretty normal:
Live what we feel. Change the truth to fit it (after all, it's not a big deal); or
Live the truth. Stuff our feelings and experiences – forget about them (they're not important anyways)!
Both are tempting. Both can seem like viable options, because pain is real and everyone would understand if we didn't believe in healing anymore – because we have a story, because we have an experience. But we also don't want to compromise the truth because NOW is the time to "be a good witness" to those who don't believe - this is the moment we show them why we follow God, right? Where we still have everything together because we don't have "bad days" with God…right?? And suddenly there's this pressure to perform for everyone while we're shredded on the inside from losing someone so close to us.
There's a third option I've been choosing for the last 10 years since my Mom passed. It's not easy, which is why a lot of us choose option 1 or 2. But I'm finding it's actually the way we were meant to live – the place where we don't have to put on a show for everyone else while still holding the line on God's goodness and healing.
3. Embrace the tension with God. Let ourselves feel fully with God, best as we know how. Be honest about what's going on, with God. Grieve DEEPLY, honestly, and authentically, with God.
This is what it looks like when we walk the tightrope of what we feel and what He says is true about us, others, and Himself, and we change what needs changed with God.
Our feelings are valuable and important, and the truth is still true. We were always meant to walk the tightrope. Embrace the tension with God.
What if who we feel attracted to isn't our permanent or actual identity? What if we're not even sexual at the core…what if there's something deeper? Is change possible? Is it wrong to want to change? Should we just accept the lens we’ve been looking through?? What if, in the messy process of growing up, things got tangled up and there's no simple solution for us to live healthy and free? What do we do?
The way I see it, we have been presented with two options, that honestly seem to make a lot of sense:
Live what we feel. Change the truth to fit our feelings (it's not a big deal); or
Live the truth. Stuff our feelings and experiences - forget about them (they're not important anyways)!
I've tried both and honestly, they both felt seriously incomplete. Don't get me wrong, people would truly celebrate me in either choice, but there would always be a nagging feeling because I would not fully be walking in who I really am.
There's a third option I've been choosing lately. It's very difficult which is why it seems like no one is doing it. And it's scary, because it feels like if we let go, stop stuffing our feelings, and learn to accept ourselves how we are right now or open ourselves up to believing that change from what's always felt normal is possible, we might end up somewhere we don't want to be.
But I'm finding as I trust that Jesus will guide me to perfect truth, it's not as scary...and it's actually the way we were meant to live. It is SO difficult, but I actually feel peace as I step towards HIM, knowing He will lead me.
3. Embrace the tension with God. What if we let ourselves feel fully with God, best as we know how? Be honest about what's going on with God. What if we assessed the current way we see ourselves and the world around us - DEEPLY, honestly, and authentically, with God? This is what it looks like when we walk the tightrope of what we feel and what He says is true about us, others, and Himself, and we change what needs changed with God.
Our feelings are valuable and important, and the truth is still true.
We were always meant to walk the tightrope.
Embrace the tension with God.
